We’ve Discovered the Real Reason 2020 Was a Rough Year

If you’ve been reading this newsletter for any period of time, you might have noticed that on occasion, I like to write about topics that are a little more out there — we’ve done opinion pieces, movie reviews, and some hilarious stories, just to name a few. But seeing as this is the last edition for the crazy year we’ve had, I thought it would be more appropriate to talk about a serious topic that is of grave importance to the entire Fort Myers community.

I recently received this letter from an avid reader of the newsletter, and it opened my eyes to just how big this ongoing issue has been.

Dear Editor,

"Letters From the Hart" has been my go-to source for cutting-edge investigative journalism for years now. Your insights into the dumbest things people did as teenagers, the merits of RVs versus tents, craft ideas, and Netflix reviews are nothing short of extraordinary. And who can forget your legendary piece on searching for the Skunk Ape?

I write today to request another investigation. Is it true that all of the troubles of 2020 are directly related to the Fort Myers Miracle changing their name to The Mighty Mussels and displaying the use of this hideous logo and mascot?

It seems the correlation is too strong to ignore. So, I anxiously await what your investigation reveals.

Signed,

Suspect the Clams

I don’t know how I didn’t see the connection before. Many of you may be aware that one year ago, in December 2019, our beloved Fort Myers Miracle minor league baseball team revealed their brand-new team name and mascot: the Mighty Mussels. Even if you’re not a baseball fan, you’re likely aware of the uproar and controversy this surprise created. People got mad — they’re still mad. And I wholeheartedly agree with their sentiment. When the team made the announcement, I was certain it was just a prank. I even took to their Facebook page to let them know I was predicting their joke and the big reveal of the real mascot. But it never came. The Fort Myers team is officially the Mighty Mussels.

The team’s decision to make their mascot a mussel makes no sense, and the artwork for the mascot makes things worse. We don’t have mussels in Fort Myers. They’re not part of our menu in Southwest Florida. Oysters, maybe, but not mussels. But not only did they choose a mascot that doesn’t make any sense, they also created the most inappropriately suggestive artwork I have ever seen for any sports team. I’ll let you scrutinize their logo and come to your own conclusions on that one. But there’s no denying that this was just disappointingly poor planning all around.

Now here we are, one year later, and it’s been the worst year many of us have ever lived. So, I have to agree with Suspect the Clams — the correlation between the reveal of the Mighty Mussels and the woes of 2020 is too big to ignore. We should have seen this coming. When the mascot changed, it was a warning sign to batten down the hatches and get ready for a crazy year. That scary mascot is wearing the face of 2020. It was all the warning we needed for the things to come.

So, thank you to Suspect the Clams for your incredible letter to the editor. This was exactly the topic we needed to finally bring 2020 to a close. Now that we know the truth, we can hopefully head into 2021 feeling better about the future.

Scary mussels aside, my family and I will still be going to the games to support our local team. It’s always a great time to hang out, drink some beers, and watch some baseball in the sunshine. No creepy mascot is going to convince me otherwise.