My Advice? It Pays to Read People Closely

I’ve always thought of myself as a “people person,” but I didn’t really understand what that meant until I’d been working in the home loan business for a few years. Most folks say that and mean they like to be around people and feel energized from those interactions. That’s true for me, too, but I’ve learned that a big part of it is learning to read people and taking your cues from them. I think some people do have a natural talent in this area, but even if you don’t, it is worth developing. It allows me to “speak the language” of the people I’m working with, and that can really pay off in the long run.

Now, when I say “speak the language,” I don’t mean literally. I mean I try to see how someone thinks about the world and what their communication style is. This is something that I first noticed when it came to humor: I’ve always had a pretty good sense of humor, even as a kid. For the most part, I found that humor is a good way to break the ice and take the stress out of a stressful situation. Whether I was helping my baseball team get through a tough practice or helping a stressed-out homebuyer during a tense back-and-forth process, humor is often a go-to tool for me.

Except, of course, when it isn’t. 

One in a while I’d meet someone who I just knew wouldn’t appreciate me cracking a joke, even occasionally. Did that mean they just didn’t have a sense of humor? That might be how they came off, but I knew something else was going on. They just didn’t communicate that way, and when someone makes a joke during a high-stakes process like homebuying, they wonder if that person is really taking things seriously. Their communication style just doesn’t involve much humor, and I knew not to push humor on them.

From there, I learned to pay attention to other styles and differences in communication. Does this person use lots of gestures? What’s their body language indicating? Are they a face-to-face person, or do they seem like an introvert who’d rather this whole conversation be over soon?

As a business owner, I think I owe it to my clients to learn this kind of thing. In my own job, homebuying is a stressful process and it lasts for 30–45 days in most cases. There’s a lot on the line, usually more money involved than people are used to, and when it’s all done, they have to live with the consequences — literally! When someone comes in to see me, they’re usually stressed to the hilt, so I want to help them feel better. But I can’t do that if I’m just doing what works for me, because they might not share my language. Funnily enough, in a couple, I often see that they don’t share each other’s language, either — the old rule that opposites attract is true, at least in my experience. I may not be able to speak someone’s language exactly, but learning what they like and what they dislike at least helps me avoid antagonizing them or stressing them out!

What’s your language? Is humor a big part of it? I encourage you to think about it and try to notice the same traits (or differences!) in others this month. You’ll feel more connected to your fellow man, and you just might make someone feel better, too