04 Apr 2018

Funky Cold Embarassment… Busted by my Grandma

Funky Cold Embarassment… Busted by my Grandma

It’s funny how things always come back around, often after many years. Lately, my kids have been dancing around to the soundtracks of “Guardians of the Galaxy” Vol 1 and Vol 2 nonstop. They’re full of old hits from Electric Light Orchestra, Parliament, and Fleetwood Mac, and my kids love it all. One of their favorites hilariously enough, is “Mr. Blue Sky” by Electric Light Orchestra, which I think they’re even making a goofy music video for. It’s been awesome to watch as they each get down to their heart’s content, jumping all over the place without a care in the world. And while those old ‘ 70s tunes may not exactly be the songs of my youth, they’ve got me thinking about all the weird stuff I used to listen to as a kid

Though I started out listening to ‘80s pop jams as a young kid, as I crossed the threshold into my teens, my music tastes changed. Just like everybody else my age, I started to pay a little more attention to the trends, following what was cool. And one thing that was cool- at least to me- was the hilarious hip- hop track “Funky Cold Medina” by Tone Loc. One day, intent on memorizing every lyric, I sat down and wrote each line of the song on a piece of paper. After completing the task, I practiced rapping along for a couple of minutes, left the paper folded up somewhere in my room, and completely forgot about it.

Here’s where the story goes from typical teenage boy behavior to a genuinely cringeworthy situation. Back in those days, my grandma used to come over occasionally and clean our house to help out my mom. One day, she walked into my room and spotted the piece of paper, folded up and tucked away in the corner. As she opened it up and read the words I’d written her eyes widened.

“The girls are all jockin’ at the other end of the bar,” the note went, “havin drinks with some no-name chump, when they know that I’m the star… This is the ‘80s, and I’m down with the ladies” She wondered, “Did Timmy write this all himself?”

She brought the letter to my mom, chuckling. “I think Timmy’s written a love letter to some girl!” I was humiliated, but every time I think of this story today, I start to crack up. Seriously, look up the lyrics sometime to “Funky Cold Madina” and you’ll understand. Some 13- year- old kid writing out those lines in his room straight from his head is one of the most hilarious images I can think of. I mean, my grandma actually thought I wrote this myself:

 

“Cold coolin’ at a bar, and I’m lookin’ for some action but like Mick Jagger said, I can’t get no satisfaction.

I went up to this girl, she said “Hi, my name is Sheena”

I thought she’d be good to go with a little Funky Cold Medina.

She said ‘I’d like a drink;’ I said, ‘Ehm, okay I’ll go get it’

Then a couples sips, she cold licked her lips, and I knew that she was with it.”

 

… Really Grandma?

01 Jul 2017

Letters from the Hart: July 2017

Letters from the Hart: July 2017

 

bannerimage.jpg
img1temp.jpg
Last month, my family, my in-laws, and I finally got the opportunity to get away from it all, out on the open ocean on the Harmony of the Seas, part of Royal Caribbean’s cruise line and the biggest ship in the world. Between the shows, the delicious food, and … CONTINUE READING
img2.jpg

The World’s Happiest Vacations

img3.jpg

Testimonials

img4.jpg

Rates and Reels

© 2017 The Newsletter Pro. All rights reserved.

 

01 Jun 2017

Letters from the Hart: June 2017

Letters from the Hart: June 2017

 

bannerimage.jpg
img1temp.jpg
My wife, Stefanie, often jokes that while I can remember every fishing spot I’ve ever been to, which tackle and bait I used there, and the size of each fish that I caught that day, I can’t recall what I did 10 minutes ago. It’s true, I’m a forgetful person, but I’ll never forget when I met my wife … CONTINUE READING
img2.jpg

Rates and Reels

img3.jpg

Move Over, Man Cave! Introducing the She Shed

img4.jpg

Yellowstone: Where the Wild Things Are

© 2017 The Newsletter Pro. All rights reserved.

 

01 Apr 2017

Letters from the Hart: April 2017

Letters from the Hart: April 2017

 

bannerimage.jpg
img1temp.jpg
I’m proud to say that this is the third year in a row VanDyk Mortgage is a sponsor of the popular annual Fishin’ With a Mission fundraiser for Saint Michael Lutheran School — the school that all three of my children attend. The event, which my wife helps organize, is a huge weekend bash at the South Seas Resort on Captiva Island, including massive fishing competitions for both kids and adults. It’s a great family time, with fantastic company all around. Of course, I get to spend a weekend fishing, which is something I’ll never turn down … CONTINUE READING
img2.jpg

Killin’ it on Lake Okeechobee

img3.jpg

Color Me Impressed!

img4.jpg

Sharing Is Saving

© 2017 The Newsletter Pro. All rights reserved.

 

01 Mar 2017

Letters from the Hart: March 2017

Letters from the Hart: March 2017

 

bannerimage.jpg
img1temp.jpg
My dad passed away a few years ago, and he was one of the best baseball coaches and men I ever knew. His coaching journey started as the coach of the Cape Coral American Little League Orioles when I was 10 years old. Anyone who’s ever played a sport and had their dad as a coach knows how exciting and terrifying that is as a kid. Your Dad is always harder on you, and you make him mad because you listen to him less than you do other coaches. Good times for all involved … CONTINUE READING
img2.jpg

On the Boat With Mayor Randy Henderson

img3.jpg

Leave the Freeze Behind

img4.jpg

The Perfect Spring Picnic

© 2017 The Newsletter Pro. All rights reserved.

 

01 Feb 2017

Letters from the Hart: February 2018

Letters from the Hart: February 2018

 

bannerimage.jpg
img1temp.jpg
Being in the mortgage business in Southwest, Florida, since 2001, I’d been through both boom times and bust times. There was a point during the recession around 2010 where I thought about exploring other career paths because the mortgage industry was tough. Oddly enough those were also some really great times for me personally. I was building a family and was otherwise really happy. So, perhaps because of that outside encouragement, I kept going to work every day — usually knowing … CONTINUE READING
img2.jpg

Rates and Reels

img3.jpg

‘Jumbo Loans’ and You

img4.jpg

Your Personal Development Plan

© 2017 The Newsletter Pro. All rights reserved.